Resolutions are lame but here are mine. I am a day late, but yesterday my ability to look at a computer screen was decimated by a migraine and it’s my blog so I can backdate if I want. Here are a few goals for the new year.

• A.B.M. (Always be Moisturizing)
Seriously. Everyone knows that white people age worse than everyone else. Have you seen me? It’s as if a white porcelain toilet left out on the lawn is reflecting sun into your face while you drive without sunglasses at high noon.

• Finish Graduate School
I have five classes left until I can complete my M.S. in Marketing Management and have my life back. If I maximize my suffering I can graduate this winter. Then if I really hate myself I can take the three extra six-credit courses to earn an MBA. Either way, prepare for more epic poop emoji-related posts after graduation. 💩

• Pay Off My Student Debt
Prepare to lose a revenue stream, federal government. I am on track to pay off my undergraduate student debt this year. Seriously, take your 6.8% interest and stick it, because this year is my year!

Paying off my student debt will also set my Murphy’s Law plan of getting Bernie Sanders elected into motion, because we all know if I finish paying off my $25,000 in student loans, Bernie will get elected and forgive all of the student debt. You’re welcome, America! 🇺🇸

• Take Better Care of My Body
I’m writing this in my iPhone notes at the chiropractor’s office. Right now it is week one and my spine wants to die but it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better, right? Right?!? 😭

• Use Up All of My Yarn
Don’t be surprised if you receive a potholder, scarf, or similarly rectangular hand-crocheted item from me this year. I hope I know your favorite color.